Meetings

Apart from college romance and life there is too much of fiction shown in the movies about meetings. Those flashing suits, high impact dialogues, sexy secretaries and drama. Plus there are some spoilers in company training too about traits of meetings. But after I joined an MNC I faced blunt realities of meetings. I am going to spill a few observations


-Meetings mostly it happens in cramped rooms with, half broken chair and non working AC and bunch or bored people who has no idea why they are in meeting.

-There are no good looking girls. NO ENGINEERS, DON”T DREAM of it. You are certainly not going to fall in love in meetings.

-Falling in sleep is assured on the other hand. After falling asleep you can assume about presence of a pretty girl.

-Meetings are like life, no one knows why they are here.

-People with good acting skills have advantage of making expressions like they are interested. This would help in appraisals as they have “Proactively” participated in the procedure.

-Checking facebook, tweeting, or making high scores in Angry Birds are the only productive things you can do in the meetings.

 -Only sound is of the presenter and others' yawns. People's expressions are always funny, struggling between listening and boredom.

-Conference calls are like page 3 parties. Everyone introduces each other for the first 10 minutes. Then the others.

-Then people normally resume playing minesweeper other than the talking lot.

-Don't worry if you are not understanding some words used in the meeting. The user doesn't know the meaning of it and has read it from management books.

 -For example,” We have to look upon the potential solutions of the issue and we have to find out the optimum solution .” means “ We have to solve the problem”.

-Minutes of Meetings normally translate to,” We could have done this in easy way but  waste the time to complete the day. ”.

-Words never have the true meaning in these meetings. What is said in sugar coated words is to set your ass on the fire.

-Like,” Can you do this task?” interprets to “Haha! Gotcha, now you have to work your arse off in the late hours while I chill at my house.”

-And in the end guy who cracks jokes is normally the boss and joke are lame than Rebecca Black's “Friday”. Yet, you have to laugh like you are in Russel Peters gig.

Twedding

@He joined twitter. @She also joined twitter.  @She took a picture, photoshopped it and put it as the DP. She was already a twitter celebrity. Thousands of followers . Numerous stalkers, and new trolls everyday.

            @He was ugly, he used cartoon as DP . He was #ForeverAlone, watched porn and tried to impress girls with witty lines.

            @ He fell in love with her DP, Her tweets hardly matted. He knew he was smart. He knew how to Google good jokes and quotes.

            @He followed @She. Witty comments, comforting words followed. @She followed back. @He tweeted what @She liked. Tweet conversations converted into DMs. 

. They  chatted, and fell in love. And then they decided to marry On twitter. They hired @Priest for their wedding.

            There was a lot of buzz around the twitter.  TL looked like a mess.

           

            @troll1: Her DP is fake, I photo shopped it (This is a sly tweet)

            @troll2: Heh,All the witty lines he uses are from Google and Russell Peters' videos.

            @Friend1: And those who can't resist to make jokes can use #ShitPeopleSayInWedding hashtag.

            @Friend2: OMG!OMG its @She's twedding. Best of luck sweetie. :*. XOXOXOXO.

            @Friend3:  I will also hold quiz on #weddingQuiz. Winner would get free goodies. Please RT

            @Friend 4 : Just before the wedding we will have #WeddingSongsMarathon. And we will play random songs in it. Yo Yo Honey Singh!

            @Stalker1: Ah! She is getting married. Sapna tuta hai to dil kabhi jalta hai, Haan thoda dard hua par chalta hai.

            @Stalker2: I will love you till the end of my account.

           

            @He: Yay! Finally I am going to get laid. (This tweet was later found in his Drafts)

            @twitterCeleb: I don't take part in tweddings and shit. I always tweets sense. Get my tweets Rted and act pricy.

            @SagrikaGhose: Congratulations to the couple. I hope they have a good rakshabandhan.

            @kamaalrkhan: Good morning and kiss to @He and  @she for having their wedding. I am cooking dal tadka and firni in wedding.

           

            And finally the #wedding took place. Thousands of people live tweeted it. And as always made lame comments.

            @Priest: Welcome tweeple to the #wedding. We are here to witness twedding of two handles.

           

            @Priest: These two poor souls have fallen prey to the social networking. May Aakar Patel bless the

           

            @Priest: Now we will have ceremony. Any troll or stalker want to sly tweet?

           

            @Priest : @She will you follow him, RT him ,favorite him ,DM him till you stop tweeting?

           

            @She: @Preist I do.

            @Priest: And @He will you stalk her, troll her, say “Nice DP” on every DP she changed and #FF her every friday?

            @He: @Prist I do.

            @Priest: Now you may twiss.

            @She: :*

            @He: :*

            But this is twitter and there is never a happy ending. @He sent her his real pictures. And @She  Called him to let him hear her 'Sweet' voice.  The dreams got shattered. They fought, swore and blocked each other.

            You don't need fair and lovely to look pretty. A photo editing software does the job :D